About just being

There was a day when I thought the only thing I really needed for myself is to prove that I can do and be the person I say I am. That day is now gone and the thought faded away. Today I am wondering what actually happened and what was the issue I was trying to address through the desire I used to have in me.

One thought that comes to my mind now is that I was too stuck in the image the others had about me, that I was too strongly attached to the idea that I wanted the other to fully see what I see about myself. It was a danger in which I was living without much thought about its consequences.

Another thought that comes to my mind now is that I did not have my priorities sorted out. I did not look at what was indeed important for me to achieve and to stand for. I laser focused on one desire which probably I believed it would have lead to the result I was actually hoping for. All this was based on some experiences I had lived and which made me believe that this is the key to success.

Third thought I can bring into the mix is that maybe it was ok. Maybe it is ok that the outcome in this all is what is now today going on in my life. I am actually finally doing what I am intended to do and what I was hoping to happen anyway. I was blocking myself with the concept that I needed a chain reaction, that I needed something to happen first before the other to show up.

It could have been just that. It could have been that no matter what was going on I was still the person who was waiting to become and to move towards the future that belonged in my life. The reality of things, the reality of one’s belonging thrown into the mix of those who believe in the magic of being that person one is.

It could have been just that and nothing more. Do I regret the outcome? Partially, because I still don’t have the answer about what could have happened if I was the person I am now back then. Would all have worked out? Was it just a context or indeed we did not work out and we would have never worked out.

What is now left to do is to just leave things be and unfold themselves. Less and less will matter as I do me and I keep learning and sharing life with those who choose to stick around and see how I unfold. I don’t know what matters now, but I will find out one way or another, or at least I will aim towards this.